In occupational therapy, we often talk about the importance of consistency—consistent routines, consistent expectations, consistent responses. While consistency can offer predictability, it can also become rigid, overlooking the nuanced and dynamic needs of the children we work with, and when advising the parents of these beautiful individuals... What if - instead of focusing on being consistent, we focused on being responsive—much like a gardener tending to their plants?
The Shift to Relationship-Based Practice.
A relationship-based approach acknowledges that each child is unique, developing at their own pace and responding to their environment in deeply individual ways. Instead of rigid consistency, responsive practice means adapting to the child’s needs in the moment, prioritising relational safety and trust.
Parenting as Gardening: A Metaphor for Responsiveness
Parenting—and therapy—is much like tending a garden. Each child, like a plant, grows at their own pace, with different needs for sunlight, water, and nutrients. Some plants thrive with structure, while others flourish when left to find their own way. As caregivers and therapists, our role is not to force growth through rigid routines but to provide the right conditions—nurturing, adjusting, and responding to each child’s unique requirements. Just as a gardener adapts to changes in weather and soil conditions, we must adjust our approach based on the child's needs in the moment.
Why Responsiveness Matters More Than Consistency
Emotional Regulation Develops in Relationship
Children learn to regulate their emotions not through rigid schedules but through attuned, responsive relationships. When we meet them where they are—rather than where we expect them to be—they feel seen, heard, and safe.
Skill Development Takes Time
Growth isn’t linear. Some days, a child may be ready to try a new skill; other days, they may need to retreat into the familiar. Being responsive means allowing space for this natural progression without forcing a predetermined timeline.
Flexibility Encourages Engagement
When we rigidly adhere to plans, we risk losing the child’s interest and willingness to engage. A more flexible, child-led approach fosters motivation and deeper learning through meaningful experiences.
Individualised and Responsive Planning: What Does It Look Like?
Meet Them Where They’re At – Instead of planning weeks in advance and rigidly adhering to this, observe where the child is today and adjust your well-thought out plans accordingly.
Plan Less, Go with the Flow More – Have a framework but remain open to shifts based on the child’s energy, interests, and emotional state.
Prioritise Relational Safety – ALWAYS build trust first. A child who feels safe and understood is more likely to engage in skill-building activities over time.
Use the Child’s Cues as a Guide – Rather than adhering to a strict schedule, tune into what the child is communicating through their behaviour, emotions, and interactions.
Sometimes the magic happens when, and where you least expect it!
The Role of the Occupational Therapist
As OTs, we are not just facilitators of skill acquisition; we are co-regulators, partners in play, and trusted adults in a child’s journey. When we shift from rigid consistency to thoughtful responsiveness, we create therapeutic experiences that feel safe, engaging, and truly meaningful. We then also teach and model this for parents throughout our sessions, which just means MORE responsiveness all-round in the lives of those we work with. What a breath of fresh air!
Like a gardener who tends to each plant’s unique needs, we must trust in the natural process of development, adjusting our care to nurture each child's individual growth. True progress doesn’t come from forcing predetermined outcomes but from cultivating an environment where each child can bloom in their own time.
Let’s move beyond the idea that consistency is the gold standard. Instead, let’s focus on being attuned, adaptive, and deeply responsive—because growth flourishes in relationships, just as a garden thrives with care, patience, and flexibility.
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